Ten days. In ten days we will meet our baby boy. Wow. I can’t even explain the emotional state I am in. I feel excited, nervous, anxious, ready, not ready. Basically every emotion I’ve ever felt in my lifetime has resurfaced in the last 24 hours. My insecurities are coming out in full force again. Can I do this? Will I be a good mom to a child with special needs? Will we have the support we’ve been promised by friends and family? Will Eli’s arrival make Cody sad? Ahhhhh – that’s a lot of negativeness. I don’t mean for it to come across that way. I’ve just been filled with so much worry again lately. Although, the other day I saw a sign (on yet another country church) that said, “Worrying is worthless” – Ok, I get it. I guess I should listen to Him (since I’m assuming He’s in direct control of all the country church signs that we drive past! 😉) and stop worrying!
The days have been filled with some positivity too! Cody picked out his “welcome to the world” toys to give to Eli (a stuffed football and a security blankie/stuffed dog thing we call an ‘ahgoo’ in our house) and we picked out the “I’m excited to be your little brother” toy that Eli will give to Cody (a large stuffed Spider-Man, Cody’s newest character that he loves – although the only thing he’s ever seen of Spider-Man is a pair of pajamas he has!). We finished Eli’s room. Our hospital bags are packed (just in case!). We’ve spent quality time together as a family of three. It was a good, productive weekend!
I’m anxious for Cody to meet his little brother. I know he’ll feel jealous but I think part of him is excited too. Although, I’m not sure what, if anything, he expects will come out of Mama’s belly (he knows that’s where “Eli” is). I’m especially worried about not being able to pick Cody up after the c-section. We love to cuddle and he likes for me to hold him. Hopefully I’ll be able to rest and relax a lot so he can spend time cuddling with me in the bed or on the couch. Ha! Relax with a newborn! I guess I may be a bit delusional. But, rest will definitely need to be in my future. I learned after Cody was born – A happy mama equals a happy baby!
In ten short days I’ll be meeting the little man that has already changed my life for the better. I’ve met great people, opened my mind and my heart, and accepted all God’s gifts. Such a blessing! I cannot believe this part of our journey is coming to an end. Eli has changed so much in our lives. Our perspective is different. We are more accepting. I care more. I love deeper. Soon, my littlest boy will teach me more than I can ever teach him – in fact, I think he already has.