Letters to my sons

Tonight, on the eve of our second son’s birth, I am grateful. So very grateful for all of the love and support we’ve received from so many people – old friends, new friends, family, strangers. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your prayers, good thoughts, encouraging words, and well wishes. Tonight, I’d like to share something very personal with you (although all of my thoughts and feelings have been quite personal!). I have kept a journal for Cody since before he was born. I decided to share with you the letter I wrote to him as well as a letter to Eli. My heart is vulnerable right now. I look forward to filling it up tomorrow with all the love I can handle when my husband and I welcome our beautiful, beloved baby into this world.

Cody,
My dear, sweet boy. I thank God for you every day. I am so blessed that He chose me to be your mama. Thank you for your love, your hugs, and your kisses. You have kept me going on a daily basis. There were days throughout these past five months when I wanted to stay in bed under the covers – but your sweet little face encouraged me to keep up the fight. I am sorry you have had to see me cry. Every time you’d see a tear, you’d ask me, “You ok Mama?”. And I would reply that I was. And you know what? Eventually I was ok. You helped me to realize that we would all be ok. Please never, ever doubt my love for you. I truly never understood unconditional love until I met you. You are going to be a fabulous big brother. You will teach Eli every amazing thing that you know. The two of you will be unstoppable. That I am certain of. My dearest Cody, thank you for all that you have taught me and brought to my life in these last 29 months. You have taught me to be what I am most proud of, a mommy. I look forward to everything your future holds, and to our future as a family. Together, we are all capable of changing the world. Always remember:
🎶You are my sunshine, my only sunshine – You make me happy when skies are grey. I hope you know dear, how much I love you – Please don’t take my sunshine away.🎶
Love you forever, Mama

Eli,
My precious baby. Carrying you in my womb has been a journey that has strengthened my faith, enhanced my compassion, and changed my outlook on life. Let me start by apologizing to you. I am sorry that I ever questioned my capacity for love. I am sorry that I was afraid. Please know though, I never questioned my love for you. I was not afraid of you. You are our son. You were wanted. You were created out of pure love. You are a miracle, as is every baby. I have never taken that for granted. Eli, I promise to always protect you. I promise to be your biggest cheerleader and a foundation of support. I promise to always be proud of you. I promise to help you reach your fullest potential. I promise to always love you unconditionally. I am already proud to be your mama. I am already proud of you. Thank you for changing my perspective on living. Thank you for teaching me that through the rain and the clouds there will always be a rainbow. Life is beautiful. I know you’ll be beautiful too. You are the true meaning of living. I can’t wait to meet you tomorrow and hold you in my arms and tell you what I’ve learned from this long journey we’ve been on together – everything is going to be ok!
With all my love,
Your mommy

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3 comments on “Letters to my sons

  1. Pingback: A child born with Down syndrome: One mom’s path from grief to gratitude

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