The sun’ll come out…tomorrow

I am feeling a little overwhelmed today. Ok, totally overwhelmed. I could use some prayers. It is so frustrating to have a baby that does not, or cannot, eat. He acts hungry but then he gags on the bottle nipple or acts like he can’t breathe. Each feeding takes 1-2 hours! We usually have to change his bottle a few times to figure out which one will work for him that feeding. Then, halfway through the bottle, he falls asleep. His cardiologist, Dr. Vernon, likened his eating to running a marathon. Because of the hole in his heart he has to work harder just to do a simple activity, like eat. He’s exhausted. He is not gaining weight like we had hoped since he’s burning more calories then he’s consuming. And believe me, we are trying. He’s almost at the max caloric intake. We spend all day (at least it feels that way) trying to get him to eat. In the meantime, my toddler is watching way too much television and feeding his goldfish crackers (that he insisted on having for breakfast and I was too consumed with Eli to argue with him) to the dog – who is barking to go outside and puking up said goldfish crackers. I’m feeling like a failure as a mother. To both Cody and Eli. Heck, even the dog is suffering from my lack of attention. Cody just wants me to put the baby down and play with him. But I can’t. I’m too busy trying to make Eli eat. I know this is all temporary. Open heart surgery, God willing, will fix him. Dr. Vernon is thinking surgery will need to be in the next 3-6 weeks. In a perfect world he’d be double his birthweight before surgery. But, at this point, he won’t be 13 pounds until he’s a year old! I am terrified of sending my precious infant off to surgery but at the same time I am so hopeful to get to the point where he is starting to thrive.

Please just keep us in your prayers. Today, the song ‘Tomorrow’ from the musical Annie comes to mind.

The sun’ll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow there’ll be sun

Just thinkin’ about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs
And the sorrow ’til there’s none

When I’m stuck with a day
That’s gray and lonely
I just stick out my chin
And grin and say, oh

The sun’ll come out tomorrow
So you gotta hang on ’til tomorrow
Come what may

Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love you tomorrow
You’re always a day away

The sun’ll come out tomorrow
So you gotta hang on ’til tomorrow
Come what may

Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love you tomorrow
You’re always a day away

Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love you tomorrow
You’re always a day away

So for now I’m going to stick out my chin and grin and sing show tunes at the top of my lungs. Yep, that’ll make me feel better. πŸ˜„

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